Phrases We Must Stop Saying to Future Church Leaders
Since graduating from Portland Seminary I have had more time to reflect on why I do what I do, why I researched and studied what I studied, and what I dream about for the future. Truthfully, there is a lot of fear that my doctoral work will be solely used for the title. And the “Dr.” title was not why I pursued the degree. What drove me was a fascination with three questions:
What did pastors and/or church leaders do in the past (my thirst for Church History has only increased since graduating)?
What are the present trends in pastoral life and work?
What are the future possibilities we need to ponder and prepare for?
But underneath these three questions is a desire to help young people who aspire to give their lives to pastoral work (indeed, a noble desire per 1 Timothy 3:1), find vision, direction, and encouragement in this long, arduous journey.
When I was seventeen years old, I found a surprising desire to become a pastor. This was a miracle in and of itself. In my early twenties, I found myself working in a megachurch while attending seminary in hopes of being developed to pastor a congregation. But like many young, passionate, pastoral ministry hopefuls, the path was unclear and hazardous with death by a thousand pinpricks. These pinpricks received by pastoral hopefuls often came from pastors. Though coming from well-intentioned church leaders (I imagine - I cannot know for sure), these pinpricks can accumulate, converge to create gaping wounds, and, when ignored, result in spiritual trauma from stealthy and seemingly minuscule culprits.
In this post, I want to highlight three phrases we must to stop saying to young aspiring pastors. Whether interns, volunteers, residents, or church staff members, these statements, when dispensed, cause harm. They may not come across as harmful. There may be some truth to them. But sometimes, the statements that hurt us the most are shame-inducing, insecurity-enhancing lies insidiously coated in “well-intentioned” truth.
1. “Test your mettle.”
My friend, a pastor at a megachurch who served in a mid-level role, was planning a big outreach event. His boss mentioned that if this event goes well, it will be a good look for him. It would show upper leadership the “mettle” he’s made of.
First off, I am all for young people demonstrating competency. Participation trophies are not helpful in any context whatsoever. But there is a subtle message below the surface of this commonly spoken phrase: “We, the ones whose mettle has been tested and proven strong, are watching you to see if you are like us and have the ‘stuff.’” What this implies is upper leadership looking down from the balcony of superiority to see who is worthy to eventually ascend to their level.
Instead of coming alongside to support, coach, and encourage, there is distance and an expectation to impress. Therefore, I recommend substituting “Test your mettle” with: “Excavate what’s already in you.” Or, “Stretch you to what we believe you are capable of.” Imagine the difference it would make for a young leader to, instead of “test your mettle”, hear, “let me come alongside you to help excavate what’s already in you. I know you are capable. I’m in your corner.”
2. “If you think you are leading, but no one is following, then you are only taking a walk.”
This famous quote is attributed to John C. Maxwell. Far be it from me to disagree with the top leadership expert, but within the church context this Maxwellian maxim is myopic and misguided. As the North American church appropriated business metrics and methods for her pastoral imagination, the barometer for pastoral faithfulness morphed into leadership capacity and charisma. The problem with this is the biblical metrics for success focus far more on character than charisma-empowered outward success. Privileging the ability to gather a crowd and make them follow you as the marker of pastoral potential will bypass personalities unsuited for such an expectation. It also breeds pastoral narcissism.
Additionally, to expect young leaders to look over their shoulders and make sure people are following them sets an unfortunate standard of what to pay attention to. This places an ill-fitting burden on those who do not naturally gather and grow crowds, as well as exacerbates the vicious cycle of outward success and narcissism previously stated.
Instead of “If you think you are leading, but no one is following, then you are only taking a walk” let’s normalize this: “Focus on your walk with Jesus. Stay faithful to Jesus and what he entrusts to you, regardless how big or small.” What if we normalized privileging faithfulness and character over charisma and crowds? Yes, Jesus had crowds that followed him. But it seemed more like an inconvenience to him. His focus was doing the will of his Father (John 5:19), demonstrating that obedience is the true barometer of success.
3. “It’s time to sink or swim.”
There’s a video I came across on YouTube of two small kids on the back of a boat with life jackets. They were afraid to go into the water. Their father, without warning, picked them up by the life jackets and threw them into the water. Some people found this video offensive. Others found it hilarious. The comments section contains in tandem “This is what the next generation needs!” and “This dad should start saving for his kids’ therapy bills now.” In my opinion, if the kids did not have life jackets on, that would be irresponsible. However, what the dad did was not let irrational fear determine the outcome of the experience for these boys. And, within the context of safety, both in him being close to his sons and in them having life jackets on, he threw the boys into what made them afraid. The context of relational and physical safety was essential.
The term “sink or swim” is another phrase current church leaders must stop saying to future church leaders as they are developed. “Sink or swim” implies a young leader is on her own. As with “test your mettle,” to say “sink or swim” implies that the experienced leaders are far off watching to see who has what it takes. Instead of being close - providing encouragement, coaching, and safety - the supervisor is distant and yet watching with an all-seeing, critical eye.
There is a tension to manage. Yes, it is good for aspiring pastors to feel the heat (the pressure) and burden of leadership. Yet, a context of safety must be cultivated. Instead of “sink or swim,” what if we said, “I’m throwing you in the deep end, but I’m right here with you”? Instead of feeling pressured to survive and perform (swim), a mentee must know their mentor will not let them sink.
Encouragement and Coaching
In all three of these statements, it is implied that the potential of the aspiring church leader is contingent solely on the individual. Yes, there is ownership on the individual. Each of us ultimately decides whether we rise or fall to challenges. But what if this ownership was not just on the individual but on those in authority over them? What if future pastors were developed by current pastors with a passion to see them be all that they can be, and will do what they can to encourage and coach them?
This is one of my driving passions: to see aspiring pastors be encouraged and coached, not insecure about the kind of mettle they are made of, focused on following Jesus rather than whether anyone is following them, courageously diving into the unknown because they have the life jacket of relational safety. This is a passion I hope to share with the Church.